Michael and I had a mellow walk this morning out to the back of Riparia and then looped back along the creek to see a coral-looking shelf fungus that Emily had mentioned. Michael is feeling weak and wanted to use one of my walking poles for balance.
He had a procedure this week to stent his biliary tree because the cancer he has is in the liver and was occluding the bile duct. Unfortunately he got a common complication which was a real set back for us... pancreatitis. It was a scary time that required lots of pain meds and a few days of absolutely no nourishment. Our hope is that his labs will be back to enough of normal that he can start back on chemo on Wednesday.
All the land partners and friends have been very kind and solicitous but it is all very strange to me... I've been badly spoiled by Michael. I don't know a lot of what I should know but am not sure in advance what all those things are... I stare with foreboding at my car, which has a flat sitting across the road and hope some strong person will come along who just loves fixing flats.
He did have the get up and go last week to go with me to get bio-diesel for my car though and to teach me how to use our pump. I won't shirk on my commitment to bio-diesel but the veggie voyaging won't happen again unless the chemo works and he gets his strength back.
I think back to last year at this time. We thought the chemo and surgery had bought us years when we did our loop through Wyoming and Utah... unfortunately he had problem after problem with the truck and on this day we were in Rock Springs and he was really killing himself with wrestling the truck.
The year before that, when we didn't even know yet that he had cancer we had our scary backwards roll down an embankment south of Hinton on that horrible Alberta road with all the coal, pipelines and clear-cutting... so I guess our 12th anniversary tomorrow in the midst of this awful cancer is just about on track to be the most difficult ever.
Still, we love each other more than ever. We hold hands and cuddle all the time and tell each other how much we love each other... I have this foolish idea that if we can just get into the VV and get up into the high country everything will be ok... it will have to wait though. Please keep Michael in your thoughts or prayers.
Today is also the International Day of Peace. Peace to all of you reading this. He is going about this illness the way he does everything else... with great equanimity. Care for us please but don't be distressed.
2 Comments:
Dear Chris and Michael,
I have so loved reading these missives, keeping up with your lives, being reminded of how wonderful our time with the Riparia community was. Michael was quick to understand that we would need a more structurally sound outhouse and created exactly what was needed - no more, no less. Michael, you were also the one who spent the most time out there in the hinterlands of Riparia. I loved your visits and appreciated your perspective on life. We hope we will come back to Chico one day, and at our age, we also know that many things we hope for will not come to be. Other things will, and have. Like we now have a 4 month old granddaughter named Lyle Ruth. We built a 400 sq ft cottage in our daughter's back yard this summer, and moved in last weekend. We could have used your powers of "making" Michael to create this lovely cabin! Last weekend we spent in NYC in the streets with old comrades and new. We are not who we used to be, though I have a feeling that we are bigger somehow, certainly we are enough. I send you both my love and wishes for your peace and ease. Know that you are held in the arms of a vast community of those of us who love you. I cherish every moment of our time together, and Chris I am inspired by your simple recounting of your lives - you honor your life in the writing of it. Much love, Ruby
Love love love love love love love love
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