Michael and I were married for 12
years. Monday the 22nd was our anniversary. We walked out
to the swimming hole in the morning and went to dinner to watch
football after a little sip of champagne with our neighbor in the
evening. All was well except for the fatigue.
At 9:30 pm I was watching Thelma and
Louise floor that big American convertible out over the Colorado when
Michael starting yelling for me from the bedroom. He was in terrible
pain. I tried 6mg of Dilaudid (a lot!) and it didn't touch the pain
so we went to the E.R. In the Lobby of the E.R he did some hard
suffering time for two and a half hours... with pain of 10 on the
1-10 scale medical people are so fond of... it didn't help that he
had metastatic cancer, he had to wait his turn in the cue to be seen(!)
Once into the E.R. he was started on IV
pain meds and given relief. They also got a CT scan which showed the
cancer was everywhere in his belly and liver. The jig was up. Still,
we were in the E.R. all night until he was admitted in the morning. He had
three different room assignments but somewhere in there met the head
of Palliative Care, Dr. Brown who laid it out to him.... it was like
watching a mighty oak uprooting. Once Michael got the message- You
are dying. Now. He wasted no time in doing it. He came home on
Hospice care on Thursday the 25th and on Saturday the 27th
he left on his spirit journey after a nice bath and acupuncture
I kept his body at home for 24 hours so
his spirit could have some transition but also to have some time for
my own meditation and acceptance. I slept by his side as I had
during the difficult drugged days before the end. Friends meditated
in the house and sat in fellowship in a circle outside.
Before the mortuary took his body women
friends cleaned and swaddled him in my favorite cloth made by someone
I knew in Comitancillo, Guatemala. We all waited together until he
The last part of all this was that he
was cremated today and I meditated in the chapel while friends
created a small bonfire at home. I wrote a letter to feed it... really my
forgiveness to myself for all the little transgressions of
familiarity. Friends offered small bits of the food groups to the
fire and offered up more Support and Love.
What made me happiest today was that
the moisture of the steam of his burning body went out into the Chico
air and I had a chance to inhale the molecules of him. I was giddy
with breathing and it was a beautiful day.
Selkie licked his left hand continuously as he was dying and became quite subdued when she smelled he had left... I hope he finds Sasha at that Rainbow Bridge place. I need Selkie to stay back with me.
On the day of his death there were beautiful rainbows sited all over and a spectacular sunset. Friends from all over wrote about the beauty of nature where they were. The beauty path was wide open.
Orien and Keith cleaned out the truck
and the cab-over and the bond of veggie voyaging is severed. I'll
post one more time at the 49th day and then end this
wonderful saga and cyber diary.
Thank you for following us, caring
about us, sending his spirit your love and support. The obituary of my dear Michael Pike will be in the Chico Enterprise Record on Friday, Oct. 3rd. and there is a small moving tribute to him on www.chicosol.org
I just want to say one more thing-- the right person or people came forward at every step of this journey and I am filled with gratitude to the entire community of caring people who have buoyed me up to get through this thus far. Love surround you all.